things I've noticed that make me smile

 

every year my dad gives me a hibiscus bulb in the winter 

the chimes on my porch singing in the wind // the sound of M's voice on the phone // my cheap ikea clock ticking in a quiet apartment // when my mother laughs // an unexpected letter in my mailbox // joking around with my students // the smell of a new book // dancing, rock-climbing and walking in the woods // how cut tulips keep growing when you put them in water // liturgies from Every Moment Holy // a blind date coming up for someone I love very much // a few dates that already happened for someone else I love very much // the sunlight that streams onto my dining room table through the south-facing windows // a new year and new beginnings 

a prayer for healing

Prayer for the Social Order, from the Book of Common Prayer 

Grant, O God, that your holy and life-giving Spirit may so move every human heart [and especially the hearts of the people of this land], that barriers which divide us may crumble, suspicions disappear, and hatreds cease; that our divisions being healed, we may live in justice and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. 

// 

Since September of 2016, I have had this prayer written down as a draft for a post entitled "Black Lives Matter." 

It is roughly two weeks after the 2020 election between Biden and Trump. The outcome remains uncertain. And tensions remain high. 

My country needed this prayer back in 2016, when we were witnessing Trump run for the highest political office in our country for his first term. And we need it now, as our divisive incumbent president refuses to concede.                   

No president will be our savior. But a strong leader can influence a nation towards good or evil. If anything, Trump's polarizing speech has certainly exposed the deep ideological differences present in this country. 

Will these ideological differences continue to expand, eventually splintering our fragile democracy? My politically conservative father speaks hopefully, predicting that my generation will create a third party. One borne out of this mess, reconciling our differences and promoting true American ideals.  I pray he is right. 

grateful for all of this

July 2019 // L'abri in Eck en Wiel, the Netherlands

rhubarb bulbs from L. // biking 11 miles through First Landing State Park, treading through mud, the glassy water reflections of the bald cypress trees // the most beautiful illuminated Scripture journal from S. // C.'s hot, flaky, buttery biscuits straight from the oven // 5 o'clock walks, rain or shine // The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway // psalms set to music by a sweet couple from Kansas // time to work on my photo project, capturing women sans make-up // two packages on the same day, one with hair care and the other with photo books // respecting myself and communicating with friends and family today (difficult conversations and texts ensued) // finishing the insta page for my floral business, the Wildflower // teaching S. piano basics // the biggest hug from C. // planning my garden in the backyard sunshine // crying on the phone with my compassionate mother // venting on the phone with my compassionate sister // hope seeping back in

[all from Week 6 of quarantine]

an overcast spring walk

Walked outside twice today. Once before lunch after I'd been hunched over the computer grading assignments and listening to webinars. And again with my roommate and neighbor after work ended for the day. 

S L O W is the theme of life these days, for most of the world in quarantine (except for medical professionals working around the clock to fight this virus). COVID-19, why don't you slow down too? No need to hurry. 

"Hurry keeps the heart earth-bound." [Sarah Young] If that is so, then this halt of  all activity is opening our eyes to see what is eternal. It's not entertainment, not making money and finding security in finances, not going here there and everywhere. All of these are idols to the over-indulged, self-focused American. 

//

For the first time since last summer, I don't feel rushed. There are no looming deadlines. Yes, there are still daily expectations for work and caring for myself, but nothing pulsing in the back of my brain. I take my time cooking curried chicken and laughing with my friend. I return to the macrame wall hanging I started over two years ago and never finished. Making bread and tending to my plants and praying more and listening most. 

in support of non-productivity

I R E L A N D  //  July 2019 

When you thought you were going to spend a Saturday night at home alone, and your friends invite you to the new brewery in town...

You shirk the work you were planning on doing. And you join them for a couple hours.

Because you are an extrovert. But mostly because you value people, and connecting with them is the thrill of life. Life isn't all about productivity.

I've been reading Jenny Odell's book, How to Do Nothing, in little spurts lately. This passage confirms my convictions:

"I'm suggesting that we protect our spaces and our time for non-instrumental, noncommercial activity and thought, for maintenance, for care, for conviviality. And I'm suggesting that we fiercely protect our human animality against all technologies that actively ignore and disdain the body, the bodies of other beings, and the body of the landscape that we inhabit." 

 Preach, Jenny.

practicing gratitude

Glendalough, Ireland // H. took this; it's way better than the two I snapped of this same view

My step-brother came over for brunch today. In between whisking eggs and half-n-half together, and testing the quiche to see if it was setting, he asked me a question. What am I hopeful for right now? I had to pause. Because it didn't come easily. Even though there are so many gifts in my life, I don't always feel tangible hope.

So, I am pausing again, this time to practice gratitude.

01. my fiddle leaf fig is doing well. I moved it to a new spot in the apartment, and I think it likes its new home.
02. FaceTime with my sister this morning, if even for a short bit. There is something magical about Wi-Fi connection being that good although you are 8,574 miles apart.
03. my beautiful friend and neighbor dropped by to bring me some cotton she picked for my fall wreath-making
04. the local library! recent finds: Garden City, How to Do Nothing, and The Sabbath
05. actually loving my job this year as a music teacher at a local Catholic school. Year two, baby!
06. getting to see one of my favorite bands - Lowland Hum - live on Friday night with a dear, new friend who just moved to Norfolk
07. stumbling upon a YouTube channel of a sweet married couple from Georgia. i don't agree with all their perspectives, but there's something about their wholesomeness that is comforting.
08. getting to dote on my yet-to-be-born nephew, sending baby clothes and already spoiling that kiddo!
09. for the health of my family, spiritually and physically
10. a long phone chat on Thursday night to catch up with one of my closest friends from college. feeling mutual connection and love.

to trust

Glendalough Upper Lake, County Wicklow, Ireland

H. in the sun // 35 mm

beautiful H. // I'm really pleased with how this roll of film turned out. sometimes I get lucky. 

a Sessile Oak in Glendalough // 35 mm

I visited one of my favorite faith communities in Charlottesville, VA last weekend, All Souls. The pastor, Winn Collier, shared various quotes about waiting. This one especially struck me (no surprise there; Henri Nouwen speaks my soul-language):

Hope is trusting that something will be fulfilled, but fulfilled according to the promises and not just according to our wishes...To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life...So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God molds us according to God's love and not according to our fear.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               - Henri Nouwen 

When I was in Ireland this summer, I was grappling with some big unknowns awaiting me upon my return. I found out then that my sister/roommate/best friend is moving to teach in Thailand.

And I had the choice to trust. To trust that this new season will bring good. To trust that my needs will be provided for, even if in unexpected ways. To trust that God is Love and He will not leave me alone.

And today I have the same choice. I still don't know where/with whom I will live, but I see the Lord providing beautiful friendships, a deep contentment and joy about teaching at the Catholic school where I am starting my second year, and a peace that it will all be OK.