How much of life is given? how much is created by our decisions, actions, desires? 

"You turn things upside down,

as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!

Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it,

'You did not make me'?

Can the pot say to the potter,

'You know nothing'?" 

[Isaiah 29:16] 

also, this poem

LOVE bade me welcome; yet my soul drew back,
Guilty of dust and sin.
But quick-eyed Love, observing me grow slack
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning	5
If I lack'd anything.
'A guest,' I answer'd, 'worthy to be here:'
Love said, 'You shall be he.'
'I, the unkind, ungrateful? Ah, my dear,
I cannot look on Thee.'	10
Love took my hand and smiling did reply,
'Who made the eyes but I?'
'Truth, Lord; but I have marr'd them: let my shame
Go where it doth deserve.'
'And know you not,' says Love, 'Who bore the blame?'	15
'My dear, then I will serve.'
'You must sit down,' says Love, 'and taste my meat.'
So I did sit and eat. [George Herbert, 1593-1632]

I, the ungrateful, struggling up to thanks

Because I need to remember the good again today...

01. weekly hugs from one little girl with those bouncy-blonde curls
02. rain music
03. favorite people coming to visit SOON
04. pot roast, four friends, comfort, prayer
05. again, that magical word "no"
06. the blue buick
07. remembering this
08. something good happening to E.
09. silence
10. Christmas plans

[remembering that time we sat in my tiny room at 211 1/2 // winter 2015]

all is gift

Because I need to practice gratefulness today, as a dear friend has modeled.

01. surf and turf with J. and O. last night. and this cake.
02. catching up with two amazing friends over tea, encouraging one another in our frustrations and disappointments. witnessing downward growth in our lives.
03. running into an old friend at the grocery.
04. eye-opening conversation with the roomies a few nights ago. communication breeding trust.
05. driving and tunes and loud singing and an egg shaker.
06. freedom to say no when I need to.
07. anticipation for family time and the holidays just around a few corners.
08. prayers from my friend G.
09. this band.
10. connecting with S. over an autumn walk.

Hey Fall!

 Please don't leave quite yet.

Yours,
D

"Grant unto us, Almighty God,
that when our vision fails,
and our understanding is darkened;
when the ways of life seem hard,
and the brightness of life is gone,
- to us grant the wisdom 
that deepens faith 
when the sight is dim,
and enlarges trust
when the understanding is not clear. 

And whensoever Thy ways
in nature or in the soul
are hard to be understood,
then may our quiet confidence,
our patient trust,
our loving faith in Thee 
be great,

And as children knowing
that they are loved,
cared for, 
guarded, 
kept,
may we with a quiet mind
at all times
put our trust in the unseen God." 

[George Dawson, 1821-1876]

"Creativity takes courage." [Henri Matisse]

Lately I am reminded that I am a limited being. I'm slowly learning to accept my imperfections more consciously, as well as my potential to mess up, to hurt those I love. Though that is painful, accepting it brings freedom. Because I am reminded that I will never do anything out of the ordinary if I don't jump first, opening myself to being wrong, to making mistakes. I must embrace my own brokenness. I must embrace the ashes in order to allow for them to become beautiful.

This takes courage.

I believe that God doesn't promise prosperity and success. He doesn't call me to follow him with the assurance that everything will be rosy, that all my earthly desires will be fulfilled. No. Instead, he promises his continual presence (even though I don't always feel his nearness). And he promises to make beauty from the ashes. Will I trust that promise? Will I choose faith, take risks, and leap to create?

[the photo above: dear E. at my old Washington St. apt. and this song she showed me this week]