i get to live this life

a blurry lemon at 211 1/2

A wasp sting on my thigh. A plethora of miscommunications and finally being honest. Going to church just so I can stand next to my dad and hear his booming baritone voice sing "it is well with my soul." Trying out a new routine - read for an hour every evening, play and write music for an hour every morning.

I get to live this life, I get to breathe this cool spring air, I get to pick the tulips I planted three months ago and place them on the table my dad crafted last fall.

I get to plant seed in my garden, to hang ferns on my front porch, to trust that all will be made well.

I get to choose hope, today.

     "Each day that is given to you is full of the shy graciousness of divine tenderness...
      Each day is a secret story woven around the radiant heart of wonder."
      [John O'Donahue, Eternal Echoes]

vivra sa vie

H. in the Tropical House, Norfolk Botanical Gardens, March '18

To live your life, with no apologies. To have grace on oneself for today, and simultaneously reach for tomorrow. Being present, remaining open, choosing trust.

Words I'm mulling over lately. More like prayers, as I remember the end of winter and look toward SPRING.

In all the craziness of the past three months, so much good has exploded into the scene. New friends bringing new perspectives and piquing my curiosities. Old friends coming to visit and calming my soul. Finding new rhythms in (somewhat) daily yoga. Embracing solitude and coming home to myself. Exploring some fresh creative pursuits. Trying, and re-assessing.   

Still so much I long for, but learning to let that be. To sit with the longing, and embrace the daily joys in my ordinary. Still so much I question, but also learning to sit in that.

My dear friend H. reminded me of this Rilke quote I love so much.

     "Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves,
      like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue.
      Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able 
      to live them. 
      And the point is, to live everything. 
      Live the questions now.
      Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, 
      live along some distant day into the answer." 

      [Rainer Maria Rilke]